Magnificent Bridge
by Inexplicably Kyprioth
Summary: Darth Vader and Palpatine, having finally succeeded in their plots and begun ruling the Empire, find themselves faced with the fouryearold twins Luke and Leia. Title randomly generated.


**Disclaimer:** Muahahaha! My influence spreads across fandoms. Actually, I wrote this many moons ago, after realizing I didn't really know what happened in Star Wars and researching it by watching five of the movies. (Three was unavailable) In any case, it sat around waiting to be lengthened until I returned to it, and realized that this was pretty much all it needs. Elaborate as you like; I am personally intrigued by the idea of the two of them having to bring up the twins, and dealing with the rebellious teenager phase.

Oh, and getting back to the actual disclaimer part... If I owned Star Wars, I wouldn't have needed to figure out what it was, now would I?

oooo bubbles oooo

"Uh…"

_Nobody _said 'uh' to the Sith Lord. For one thing, he didn't allow it. For another, everyone was too busy babbling to bother with saying 'uh'. So Palpatine glared.

"Rebel ambassadors to see you, sir." The man hastened to say, and ducked out, coughing. Palpatine exchanged glances with Vader – 'kill him'.

"Their Royal Highnesses, Leia and Luke Skywalker!" The man announced between coughs.

Neither of them could blame him when the ambassadors appeared. They just sort of sat frozen in their seats, bemused, as the two figures approached.

"Uh…" Palpatine tried at last. "What are your demands?" He guessed, since that was usually what the rebels wanted with him.

Two sets of huge, round blue eyes stared up at him. There was a brief silence, then –

"I wanna play fairy princesses." Four-year-old Leia informed him.

"Sith Lords don't play fairy princesses." Vader informed her nervously after it became apparent that Palpatine was in too much shock to do so.

"Why not?"

"Because… because…" Vader looked helplessly to his master. "Because…I don't know! I'm just an apprentice." Yeah, that was it. Just an apprentice. A padawan. "Ask my master."

"Why don't Sith Lords play fairy princesses?" Leia asked Palpatine.

"Because…." Palpatine began, and stopped, not sure where to go from there. "Because we don't, that's why." He decided, pleased with the answer.

"Why?" Luke tried.

"Because we don't, and if you argue, my apprentice will chop your heads off with a light saber!" Palpatine roared.

"Now, master, there's really no call for that." Vader assured him. "They're only, what, five? They don't know any better." He leaned closer. "Maybe we should _convert them to the dark side._" He hinted. "The Force is strong within them."

"I wanna light thaber." Luke informed him. "The plantth jutht bend when you hit them with thtickth."

"Yes, feel your anger." Palpatine tried. "The hatred within you. Let it consume you!" Hatred for plants. That was a good start.

He couldn't understand why they just stared at him.

"What doeth hatred mean?" Luke asked.

"What does consume mean?" Leia added.

Palpatine beckoned furiously. Vader leaned over again to listen to him hiss. "They're your children – they said Skywalker – deal with them!" He ordered.

"But – master – I don't know how." Vader protested. "Uh – guards! Fetch me a dictionary."

Merriam Webster's Revised Collegiate Galactic Dictionary (231st Edition) was, after much searching, produced. Vader snatched the device from the guard's hands and switched it on. "Hatred, uh, slash, comma, ha-tred, slash. N. Bracket ME comma fr hate plus OE raeden condition dash more at capitals kindred. Parentheses twelve c end parentheses. One, colon. Capitals hate. Two colon. Prejudiced hostility or animosity fish-bracket old racial prejudices and national wavy-signs. Dash Peter Thomson, end fish bracket."

"Huh?" Luke asked.

"Shut up, I'm defining 'consume'." Vader told him. "Consume slash ken dash comma s- u-with-an-umlaut – m slash. Vb – _oh! _That means 'verb'. Con-sumed semi-colon consuming bracket ME comma fr MF or L semi-colon MF consumer comma fr L consumer-ee. Comma fr com – "

"Skip to the end, please." Palpatine ordered.

"Gotcha. One: to do away with completely: capitals destroy. Fish bracket fire consumed several buildings end fish bracket. Two – a – to spend wastefully colon squander. B – use up. Oh, dear, master, I don't think that's what you meant at all."

"Sure it is." But Palpatine wasn't sure anymore.

"Guards! Fetch me a thesaurus."

"But I wanna play fairy princesses!" Leia objected.

"Well, which is more important, knowing what word our great emperor-Sith Lord-former senator or something wanted to use, or playing fairy princesses?" Vader demanded.

It was a no-brainer. "Playing fairy princesses."

"We don't play fairy princesses here!" The Sith Lord informed them thunderously.

Leia's lower lip trembled. "Y-y-you don't?"

"Aw, master, don't make her cry." Vader protested. "Come on, we can play fairy princesses. Just this once, and then she'll be converted to the dark side, okay? Now, how do you play?"

Leia, cheered, surveyed him skeptically. "You're dressed wrong." She told him. "Guards!" She commanded this time, having picked it up from Vader. "Fetch me a Pretty in Pink princess dress with extra lace."

"In extra large?" The guard confirmed, trembling. "It may have to be custom made." He added.

"Get me a Pretty in Pink princess dress _now!_" Leia demanded. "We're playing fairy princesses."

"And the Thith Lord," Luke added, running up to tug commandingly at his hand, "will play whoopie cushion."

"Will play _what?_" Palpatine asked as he was dragged away. "Vader, you will pay for this!" He promised. "I swear you will pay!"

"Isn't getting dressed in that _thing _she's wearing punishment enough?" Vader demanded as the doors closed ominously behind his master.


End file.
